"Clair de Lune" Debussy

We were driving back in my car and he said, "Well you have changed over the last couple of months. You seem to have lost confidence..." and this was followed by more words and other words and then some phonemes and then some utterances and then lights around me changed. The bright beams from onward facing economy vehicles streaked. The 24-hour laundromat with its beams of fluorescent lights blurred and pulsed like a cataract in its advanced stages.

"Well, I hope you understand why I might lose confidence," I said.

The absence of to-do lists, the seeming ebb of my social flow, the waning of a once unremitting energy to get on with it. Accidental naps. There were symptoms strewn throughout the last couple of months. In my mind, it was a mental break from a rigidity so ingrained it woke me up with robotic precision--1-2 minutes everyday before my alarm clock. Each entry into the front door trigger a sequence of rushed and efficient movements to accomplish the next task or three. Cook rice while lifting weights. Stick in the second load right before leaving for drinks. I was so efficient and so productive.

And today, I, well, I bought discount dress shoes and asked the lovely girl to help find me a matching belt.

"Well this one is too dark for sure," she said. "And this stitching here is white, but on the shoe it's dark--like a chocolate or black."

We walked over to the mirror and she insisted I put both shoes on and look for myself. She had identified a broad Kenneth Cole belt the color of burnt applie pie crust.

"Hmm, wait a second," I said. "The shoes are shiny, and the belt isn't--"

"--Yeah, I was just going to mention that."

"OK, so would you let your boyfriend wear this combination?"

She said she would. And so tomorrow, these two heavily discounted items will be matched with newly drycleaned clothes at an interview in Santa Monica. The position was one I did not specifically seek. I had interviewed with this company months ago, and accepted a position. I had to renege on that offer due to an urgent knee surgery that would've prohibited my starting that or any job. Two days ago, I sent an email to the CIO--with whom I interviewed--reminding him of our conversation and the offer. The following day, I received an email invitation from one of his IT Directors to discuss "opportunities."

(I'm really sleepy and this story is about a fifth done. So imagine the rest, which would've included going back to confidence, dressing the part, faking it until making it, and tons of great jokes.)