"Obscurity Knocks" by Trash Can Sinatras

I got published on Boots 'N' All a story about Varanasi, which is the filthiest city in the entire world. It also happens to be one of the holiest cities in the entire world. I thought about naming the chapter "Holy Shit" (because there is cow shit everywhere) but reconsidered due to the ever-growing Hindu population. I also love the city:

Despite the fever, the pollution, the noise, the shit, the unrelenting force of touts and beggars outside my hotel, there was something about Varanasi that kept a fat kid's smile on my face. There is no good reason for anybody to like this place and yet Varanasi's improbable charm--its intangible secrets--draws travelers in and keeps them from leaving.

Earlier this week I got an email from a lady asking for travel advice about India in light of the monsoon that hit Bombay. I told her not to go, to spend the money on a big TV instead and on ordering pizza every Friday for the remainder of the year. This morning, I got my first legitimate fanmail from somebody named Abhishek:

I read your story on bootsnall, it was interesting and caputured my attention for the span - as it was quite a long story.

What kind of underhanded compliment is this? "Dear Mr. Long-Winded & Unskilled, I really expected to be bored by your story, but I managed to survive the read." Throw me a bone, Abhishek. And while my sense of pithiness was lacking, my ability to tell apart the two sexes was apparently worse:

...Also a small gender error you have made below about the sacred and holy Cow - A cow is never a male - it's always female and thus always SHE - you have repeatedly referred to the Cow as HE!!..

Abhishek

I can tell from Abhishek's peculiar English (mainly his reliance on the present perfect tense mixed in with the highfalutin "thus") that he, or she, is probably one of these rich-for-a-third-world-country Indians who are intensely proud and protective of their country. Respect. Thanks for the email.